Willing to Marry? But to whom.....?

Among the most memorable introductions I have come across, was of a 25 years old New Muslim. Here it is: Brother Nisaar, This is Umar, and he is a new Muslim for past few years. He has decided to marry a widow , with or without children. He wants to thank Allah that way. … I thanked him with a spontaneous supplication. This was a pleasant surprise for me because just a few days back ‘a wife shopper’ in his mid twenty had boasted before me when he said “ I have yet to find my ideal girl” then he disclosed,” Till now I have rejected no less then 25 proposals!” Had there been a union of ‘brides to be’ this man would have surely been shown a red card .

 On one hand we have young Muslims born and brought up in un Islamic manner, choosing the way of other cultures and ideologies, and on the other hand we have New Muslims born and brought up in Un Islamic manner as well yet they choose to be an asset for the Muslim community when they join us. They are reviving many precious Islamic traditions which have been dead for us for centuries, and one of them is marrying widows by young unmarried men.

 One of the best obligations of Islam upon the society was widow and divorcee remarriages. Many Muslim women, who lost their husbands, did not have to wait for long except for their iddah period, and marriage proposals of men flooded their guardians. There were young men who took their marriages with widows, divorcees and deserted women as a religious ritual.  There were no fashion shows or vulgar display of beauties that gave a parameter to grade the looks of women. Young men in those days were awed by women whose stories of taqwa and sacrifice reached them, irrespective to their looks and age.

 How many young men would be willing to take the hand of a widow  today? When many sunnah of the Prophet are being revived, no one draws the attention towards this noble tradition except a few scholars.  In fact our young men are totally governed by the view point of the society “what will people say?” Here is a list of excuses in many of today’s young men for not finding a right girl.  I term it as ‘Cinderella Syndrome’.

1. My mother is looking for me
2. My sister did not like her hair
3. Her dress and  her views are too religious and orthodox
4. My parents are asking me to wait …..

  I wish that some one should pose a question to the fatawa websites, Dr. Bilal Philips, Shaikh Salman Oudha  and other scholars of Fiqh…Do young Muslim men also require the consent of his wali for his marriage?

  Due to this matrimonial chaos, the marriage market looks saturated with only few boys around for an over numbered women. When the early generation Muslims chose taqwa as the criteria for choosing a spouse , there was a surplus of  women waiting for marriage due to a variety of “ religious men” in abundance’

Today many young people girls and boys want hours of meeting and have scores of questions to discover whether they are compatible or not. Yet many complain of unhappiness and wrong choice within a few years after marriage. The reasons are simple: Boys go for looks and just looks, and girls prefer richness if they possess those looks. Remember: Happiness cannot be judged by how much money your man spends on you but how much quality time you spend with each other.

Author: Nisaar Yusuf observes and analyses socio educational problems from Islamic view point. He can be reached at nisaar_yusuf @Yahoo.com